The Source of Our Helplessness: A Father’s Perspective on Miscarriage

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If we are to turn the corner and cope with uncertain losses, we must first temper our hunger for mastery. This is the paradox.

To regain a sense of mastery when there is ambiguity about a loved one’s absence or presence, we must give up trying to find the perfect solution.

We must realize that the confusion we are experiencing is attributable to the ambiguity rather than to something we did—or neglected to do.

Once we know the source of our helplessness, we are free to begin the coping process.

We were reeling from all the emotions that come from realizing a new person would be entering your life—and that they’d have a debut.

Pregnancy

Waking Up to Loss

You wade along close to the shoreline, careful to not lose sight of the ever-vanishing land. Crying felt violent and feral like a wild animal was trying to escape from my chest.

It should come as no surprise that no answer was provided as to why the baby didn’t make it. Maternal health—and women’s health—is criminally understudied and underfunded.

Why Did This Happen?

The tragedy of the world is that hope and grief are neighbors, and a visit to one becomes a visit with the other.

Hope and Grief are Neighbors

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