What (Not) to Say To Someone Who Had a Miscarriage

Are you wondering what to say to someone who had a miscarriage? You’re in the right place.

The answer, of course, is complicated. The short answer: Listen actively, and think before you act or speak.

There is nothing you can say to make things better when someone you love experienced a miscarriage. The best thing you can do is be an open ear.

When it comes to what TO say to someone who miscarried, the list is SHORT: “I’m sorry” “I love you” “I’m here” “This is not your fault!”

What Not to Say to Someone Who Had a Miscarriage

Beginning a sentence with “at least” minimizes the griever’s experience. It suggests a silver lining to a major physical and emotional trauma.

1. Don’t say, “At least . . .”

2. Don’t say, “You can try again soon”

Talking about trying again is tricky. Some women are terrified to try again, while others are desperate to get that process rolling.

It makes most people who experience it question many of their beliefs about life, fairness, certainty, control.

3. Don’t say, “I’m sure . . . “

Yes. Yes miscarriage IS common. It’s true. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss. And this comment helps a few women, but not most.

4. Don’t say, “This is really common”

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