On a crisp fall Saturday morning in October, I had the weirdest experience with mom overwhelm: we had nothing planned, and it was actually making me anxious. Blue sky, cool air, and absolutely nothing on the calendar until the afternoon . . . I could just see our lack of plans turning into a morning of arguments over screen time.
So on a whim, we went to a pumpkin patch.
The funny part? I’d decided not to plan a pumpkin patch this year. On purpose. Because October? Well, it’s a lot.
- Playoff season for fall sports
- Halloween events
- School parties
- Parent-teacher conferences
- Early-release days
The family calendar looks like a losing game of Tetris and the group chat never sleeps, yet somehow, on this day, it was the lack of planning that had me feeling overwhelmed.
Here’s what made this quick decision work for us. If I’d put the pumpkin patch on the calendar weeks earlier, it’d have been yet another thing we had to do, and I’d have been stressed just thinking about it. But when we somehow woke up to the rare empty morning on a beautiful day, what could’ve been stressful was actually just fun. And isn’t that how these special events are supposed to be?
Here’s the thing. When you’re an overwhelmed mom, the options start to feel like obligations. So hear me here, please. They aren’t.
You get to choose what earns a spot on your calendar. Because in busy seasons, every yes is a tax on the bandwidth of Future You. So protecting your capacity is key to helping the overwhelm shrink.
Easier said than done, I know. So let’s chat about what we can do to make it all a little easier.
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Why you feel so overwhelmed as a mom
Busy seasons (I’m looking at you back-to-school, holidays, Maycember) can feel like a second shift when you’re already working two full-time jobs. It’s not just doing the things, but all that goes into them ahead of time.
- Anticipating
- Planning
- The whole invisible spreadsheet that lives in your head
That’s the mental load of motherhood, and in busy seasons, the already heavy load multiplies.
When too much is running in your head, there’s a negative spiral that happens:
- Your sleep’s disrupted because your brain won’t stop spinning
- You get irritable more easily (and then feel guilty about it)
- You’re wired-but-tired because the adrenaline never stops (until it does and you full-on crash. And then feel guilty for crashing . . . noticing a trend here?)
And it’s not just you. Nearly half of parents say that most days, their stress is completely overwhelming (compared with 26% of other adults). Parental stress is such a big deal that the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory about it, a step reserved for “an urgent public health issue.”
Knowing you’re not alone helps. But it’s only the first step. We really need to DO something about it.
And our culture makes it way worse. Let’s be honest: we’ve somehow turned overwhelm into a weird badge of honor. Ask a mom how she’s doing this week and one of two things will happen. Either she’ll say “I’m fine” and we’ll all know she’s not, or she’ll say something like, “Oh, you know, making it.”
That last one? That’s the cue that she’s in survival mode. And most of us are. Because if we aren’t busy, then what are we even doing? (Just look back at the opening of this article. I was so relieved to have nothing planned. Until the day came when we had nothing planned, and then I was STRESSED! WTF?)
And while I maintain that the pumpkin patch was the right move for that lovely day, the feeling that led to me going is key to the problem: The overload is built into the system. And it hurts moms. So we need to fix it.
So let me remind you of something, and let’s make it a mantra, shall we? Put it on a Post-it note on your mirror and remind yourself of it every morning. (I’m only half joking.)
Options aren’t obligations.
You get to choose what earns a spot.
Every “yes” draws from your bandwidth, including the yeses that sound tiny when you say them.
A class party sign-up looks like 20 minutes? In real life, it’s:
→ Remembering to buy the thing
→ Finding the right item in the right quantity
→ Searching a store or ordering it in time
→ Remembering to send it on the right day
→ Constantly worrying you’re going to forget (or forgetting, and then scrambling in panic)
None of this is hard on its own. But say yes too many times, and it adds up fast.
That’s why “No” matters so much. (And trust me, I’m the worst at saying it.) But then remember: an empty Saturday morning is where fun, relaxed pumpkin-patch moments come from, and where your brain finally gets to stop running the list for a minute.
5 tips to prevent mom overwhelm
1. Ask yourself: “What will my kids actually remember?”
When everything feels important, everything also feels stressful. So before you add something, ask yourself:
- What brings my family joy? (It may not be the same thing as another family. Good for you for noticing!)
- What makes our lives easier? (And what makes them harder?)
- What’s going to be memorable for my kids? (If they’re going to remember you running around stressed more than the pumpkin patch, are you really making a core memory by going?)
- Does it fit our family’s values? Maybe you value memories. Maybe you value quiet. Knowing what you value will help guide better decisions for you and yours.
Because here’s the thing. I know I’m an anxious person. That’s just a fact.
But I don’t want my kids to look back and remember a mom who was always scrambling, always rushing, always preoccupied by the mess in her brain.
2. Pick the tradition(s) that work for you
Let’s stick with the fall theme here (because that’s when I’m writing this and, thus, where my head is). I hate carving pumpkins. It’s gooey and gross and a mess to clean up.
My son? He loves it. I do not. My daughter? She prefers art. My husband? He doesn’t really care.
So unless the day comes when Branham feels differently, John and Jack carve their pumpkins (and manage the cleanup). Branham and I paint ours.
It’s simpler, it’s way less messy, and honestly, she enjoys it more anyway. Everyone still gets their pumpkin. I just skipped the part that drains me.
Here’s the takeaway: Most traditions have an easier version if you want them to. You’re allowed to choose easier.
3. Set “good enough” expectations
You know that saying, “Perfection is the enemy of progress”? Well, if the progress we want to achieve is feeling less overwhelmed as moms, then we need to remember the thing I’m the absolute WORST at.
Good enough is good enough.
And if you’re terrible at remembering that like I am, here are a few swaps to help.
| Instead of | Good enough |
|---|---|
| A Pinterest-worthy teacher gift | A gift card (always appreciated) |
| A home-cooked dinner every night | Drive-thru, pizza to the door, or frozen casseroles from the store or local dinner shop |
| A tidy house you stress over daily | A tidy area that’s important. Everything else can feel lived in. Because it is. |
| A perfect gift for every party | Bulk-purchased birthday gifts (gift cards totally count) that live pre-wrapped with cards, so you just have to pull them out of a closet and write the recipient’s name. |
4. Let your kids choose (within reason)
Instead of saying yes to every invitation, give your kids a few options and let them pick.
Be clear on how many things they can choose, and hold to it. You’ll do the things that matter most to them, and they’ll get an important lesson in boundaries.
Because I seriously, desperately hope that when my kids are adults, they don’t feel the need to Google articles like this one to be reminded to say no to things. I hope they’ll just say no. I hope less will be asked of them to begin with.
5. Share the parts you can
Lean on your partner or support network where it’s possible. For instance, if one parent handles teacher gifts, the other handles party sign-ups and supplies.
Want to go deeper here? Learn how to share the mental load and what kids can take on at each age.
The 3-Question Capacity CheckBefore you say yes to anything in a busy season, ask:
- Will this make our week easier or harder?
- Would we actually be sad to miss it?
- Is there a simpler version we’d enjoy just as much?
Two answers pointing toward “skip it”? That’s a no. Heck, just one can be if you want it to.
When overwhelm is more than a busy season
Busy seasons end, but mom overwhelm somehow usually doesn’t. If we wait for this magical day when suddenly all the hard parts are behind us, we’re disappointed to realize that we’re still stressed, even though the busy season’s over.
Because the reality is, parental burnout happens because the demands of parenting go beyond our bandwidth.
So if you notice yourself feeling stupid exhausted, emotionally fed up, or just like you’re not the mom you want to be, remember: it’s a symptom of mom burnout, not a referendum on your parenting.
Why trust us?
I’m Katy Huie Harrison, PhD, a parenting researcher who’s spoken about mom burnout for places like NBC, ABC, Fox, and more. I’ve spent years studying what makes motherhood feel so heavy, and I’m living it right alongside you.
Everything here comes from research on parental stress and the mental load, plus what our community of moms tells me works in real life. No sponsorships. Just the stuff I actually do (and the stuff I’ve learned to skip).
Overwhelmed Mom FAQs
Learn to say “no.” Every yes is more that’s required of you. When you say yes, practice lowering your expectations where possible. Remember, no one can do it all, and you shouldn’t expect yourself to.
Yes. It’s incredibly common, especially in busy seasons. Nearly half of parents say that most days, their stress is completely overwhelming, so you’re far from alone. But just because it’s “normal” doesn’t mean it’s healthy, and you deserve better.
Remind yourself that options aren’t obligations. You don’t owe people explanations for skipping events. A short, kind no is enough. If you’re worried you’ll let your kids down, let them help choose which events matter most. Saying no protects the energy you need for the things you do say yes to.
Overwhelm usually comes and goes with busy seasons. Burnout sticks around: ongoing exhaustion, irritability, or feeling numb even after things calm down. If it lasts, talk to your doctor or a therapist.
The bottom line
If you’re an overwhelmed mom right now, life is asking for more than you have to give.
Fixing it isn’t easy, but do your best to say no more, choose what matters, and let things be easy where you can.
More articles you’ll want next
- Mom guilt (for when skipping things still stings).
- Working mom guilt (the busy-season extra layer).
- Rules for grandparents (when your village wants to help, their way).
