Reclaiming Your Relationship: 6 Ways to Be Intimate After Having a Baby

When a tiny human comes into your home, making time in your relationship for things like sex, cuddles, and date nights might seem impossible. But before you give up on your relationship with your partner after baby, why not look for exciting ways to connect? There ARE ways to be intimate after having a baby that don’t involve sex.

Whether you’re searching for tips for the future or trying to reconnect with your partner post-baby, there are plenty of ways to reignite the romance flame, both physically and emotionally.

From reinventing your sex life after baby to finding new ways of achieving intimacy, we’ve got you covered. 

What Do Relationships Look Like After Having a Newborn Baby?

Between lifestyle adjustments, fatigue, confusion, and irritability during the early days of our postpartum period, it’s no wonder our relationships take the brunt of our parenting stress. But what do those difficulties look like?

If you’re irritated with your partner in postpartum, you’re not alone. In fact, 67% of couples experience decreased marital satisfaction after having a baby.

Another stat from the National Childbirth Trust tells us that 9 out of 10 couples argue MORE after having a new baby.

Below are the most common relationship complaints, disagreements, and challenges many of us face after baby’s arrival. 

• Disagreements over division of household chores and baby care – Whether you feel like you are the only one who washes dishes and baby bottles, or you squabble about whose turn it is to change the stinky diaper, these arguments are common in new parenthood.
• Feeling like you don’t get enough time together – Babies need care 24/7. Even if you do have someone to hand the baby over to for a few hours, it’s not nearly the time you and your partner used to get alone together.
• Grandparents who overstay their welcome – Whether there’s a lack of communication about needing some space, or you’re truly dealing with toxic grandparents, it can be really frustrating if you feel like your mother-in-law (or your own parent!) is always. there.
• Needing time to yourself – If every spare minute sans baby is expected to be spent with your partner, that can get overwhelming. Sometimes you’re overstimulated and just need to be by yourself!

6 Ways to Be Intimate After Having a Baby

Let me quickly clarify something–I don’t view intimacy and sex as the same thing. While making love is definitely one way to achieve an intimate connection with your partner, building a romantic bond doesn’t always mean jumping into bed. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, we all know boosting our sex lives after a baby is important, so later in this article, I’ll provide some tips for that specific topic.

For now, though, the suggestions below are non-sex-related.  

They’re simply ways to reignite the marital flame and spend time together when your schedule is suddenly cramped with a crying, pooping third wheel.

• Express appreciation and affirmation for your partner – If you want to rebuild your relationship with your partner after baby, it’s incredible how far a simple compliment or gratitude can go. Compliments leave us feeling empowered and valued, alleviating anxiety, stress, and other negative emotions. Whether you thank your partner for doing the dishes or remind them how attractive they are, kind words can go far after baby.
• Balance the parenting and household load – Not only do women tend to do 65% of the chores in a heterosexual relationship, they’re also usually responsible for the mental load of assigning tasks. We can remove much of that mental load simply by communicating and planning ahead. That way, instead of having to nag your partner to just do the freaking dishes, they’ll know that task already belongs to them.
• Schedule date nights in advance – When you have a newborn, a “date” may be as simple as conversation over takeout, but it can get better. After our oldest was born, my husband and I talked one day and realized almost three months had passed without us spending quality time together sans baby. From that point forward, we promised each other to dedicate one night a month to date night. We scheduled things in advance and made plans for what we would do. Not only did it give us something to look forward to each month, but putting things on the calendar early ensured we didn’t let time slip by without a date.
• Keep up with non-sexual physical touch – Physical touch is important, whether you cuddle on the couch, kiss each other every night before bed, or stop in the middle of the chaos for a hug. It makes each partner feel appreciated and cared for, and research shows it can also decrease stress levels. No, you don’t have to make out like teenagers (unless you want to, of course!), but small physical acts of affection are one of our favorite ways to be intimate after a baby. 
• Take care of yourself – You might think that the best ways to improve your relationship after baby are to fully focus on your partner. While giving them attention is undoubtedly vital, it’s not the only thing that matters. You need to take care of yourself, too! After all, when you can barely take care of yourself, little energy will be left to tend to your relationship. Try your best to carve out time each day for yourself. This can be as simple as journaling for a few minutes or resting during the baby’s nap time. 
• Keep communicating – Talking to your spouse is one of the most beneficial ways to reconnect after baby’s arrival. This doesn’t just mean having a conversation, although that is EXTREMELY important. It’s also about remaining honest about how you’re feeling. Rather than burying your feelings about what’s going on, get them out in the open and clear the air immediately.

Boosting Your Sex Life After Baby

Sexual intimacy is a very personal thing. There is no perfect amount of sex or type of sex that is ideal for every relationship. 

What IS known, however, is the importance of a healthy sexual partnership. That means creating a sex life that works for both partners.

Unfortunately, getting down to business after childbirth is not always as simple as it seems.  

From body image issues to a lack of spontaneity, reigniting the passion in your relationship can take effort. 

While the suggestions above are a great way to start when you’re trying to improve sexual intimacy, the tips below might also help:

• Wait Until the Doctor Clears You for Intercourse: Your postpartum body has gone through a lot. For the best chance at a healthy sexual relationship after baby, don’t rush things until your doctor says it’s okay. 
• Don’t Forget About Foreplay: Instead of jumping into the main event, take your time with your partner. Foreplay is essential to rebuilding your sexual connection. Plus, the longer you build up the anticipation, the increased chance of natural lubrication since vaginal dryness can be a problem after childbirth and breastfeeding.
• Buy Some Lube: This goes back to the vaginal dryness issue. Let’s face it; enjoyable sex requires a fair amount of “moisture.” Purchase a high-quality lubricant, and don’t be stingy when using it!
• Don’t Expect Miracles the First Time: Just like your real first time, when you have sex again after baby, it might not be the best right away. Give yourselves some time to “get back in the groove” and for you to fully understand the strengths and limitations post-baby body.
• Go Shopping for New Lingerie: I don’t know about you all, but putting on a pretty set of lingerie always makes me feel better about myself. It might help you get into the mood, plus I’m pretty sure your partner will appreciate it! And if you aren’t feeling ready to bare it all in lingerie, go to Target and grab a new set of pretty pajamas. It doesn’t have to be super sexy; it just needs to not be covered in baby spit-up!
• Communicate: I know we’ve already talked about communication, but it bears repeating. What you used to like before baby may be a big turn-off now. Talk to each other about what you want sexually. Be vocal about your needs and what feels good and doesn’t. 
• Have Fun: This might be the most important way to improve your sexual relationship with your husband after baby–try to kick back and enjoy yourself. Making love to your partner shouldn’t be a chore; make sure you’re both having fun while you’re at it.

Relationship Satisfaction Might Look Different After Kids, But There Are Still Ways to Be Intimate After Having a Baby

We can’t deny our relationships will look different once kids are in the picture. That doesn’t mean that they have to be bad. In fact, as we become parents, our intimate connections with our partners can become even deeper and more enjoyable than before. If we allow them to, that is. Sometimes we have to seek new ways to be intimate after having a baby, and that’s ok!

Remember that your relationship after baby is valuable and WORTH the effort of getting back to a level of intimacy that is comfortable to you both.

It’s easy to get busy with the minutiae of day-to-day life, but it’s crucial to set aside time and energy to focus on rebuilding intimacy with our partners.